Exile to the Sniffle Dimension!!

I must be brief for my time here is short. Soon, the mucusoid devils that rule the Sniffle dimension will return for me, dragging my poor immune system into their mire of goop, and robbing me of my higher reasoning (what little of it I possess). I warn all of you, gentle readers, of the march of the summer cold! It will overwhelm everyone you love! MY household, once so hale and hearty, is now a pit of runny noses, foggy heads, and sleepy grumps. Oh, nap time cannot arrive soon enough.

Anxiety, Anxiety, you give me no mercy

Well would you look at that-I have a phobia! Telephonophobia! I am reluctant and, at times, afraid to have a conversation on the telephone. I’m not usually someone who supports self-diagnosis (I am still not a doctor) but in this case it’s pretty obvious.
And it makes sense. It’s the last vestigial element of my general social anxiety that took me years of effort and determination to cope with and master for he most part. I don’t avoid large social gatherings, in fact I kind of like them now. I am very comfortable speaking in front of a crowd, because I love the sound of my own voice and my own opinions. It’s the Me Show, starring Me!

So what if  I have one more tiny social demon clinging to my heartstrings and whispering its fearful words into my ear. It’s actually a relief being able to isolate the stress into a single source, instead of worrying that I was just a big pile of awkward failing. Some people hate spiders, I hate telephones. I’ll beat it, eventually, but until I do I have to remember to draw upon the support and help of my loved ones (Hi Honey! I love you very much).

More Music Nonsense: Triumph just wasn’t a very spectacular band. They tried hard, sure, and I can believe that some people have been “rocked” by Triumph, but listening to any of their songs other than their few hits will leave most people underwhelmed. Adequate, but not inspiring.
Also, I have a surprising fondness for hardcore Techno, I think. It’s hard to tell what to call it, since even the aficionados of electronic music can’t agree on any kind of labelling system. Maybe I like breakbeat, or maybe its grime. Whatever it is actually called, I like percussion heavy songs with computer noisy noises. I put on the eclectic electronic music channel while I was cleaning the kitchen, and it was dad’s one man cleanup rave (glow sticks and hallucinogens not included).

I thought I was going to have a clever title

But it turns out, the song that I thought I was going to borrow the title of, sending the readers on a small scavenger hunt to discover an obscure but enjoyable song, doesn’t actually exist. Instead I will be blunt-go listen to some Morrissey. With the Smiths, or solo, you choice. I’m surprised how much he means to me. Here, try this on : Greatest Hits (Dlx Ltd Ed)

Back to my original subject. I am experiencing a significant amount of  stress from trying to achieve both a career launch and being a full-time caregiver. I admire the men and women out there who appear to be able to accomplish both tasks, but beating myself up won’t make it happen. If beating myself up and wallowing in self-pity were success catalysts, then high school would have left me sitting on a giant pile of money watching over my vast empire. Time to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I am  choosing to focus on caring for Max, and that is my career right now. If I can muster up a little extra from day-to-day, then that’s fantastic, but the quality of our time together is my only real baseline for measuring success.

But what about money, and my fondness for the comforts it brings? Well, we know we can make do with only one salary, and if I have to sacrifice a few luxuries to make it through, then that’s what I’ll do. I need to look at it as a contract position, that will last until Max heads off to school, which will be September 2012. There’s always a chance that something will change, and we’ll look at pre-school, but let’s take that one step at a time.

Unrelated: Futon mattresses are currently on the top of my “You can go straight to hell” list. Moving one is like trying to wrestle a drunk manatee up a set of stairs.