As I pulled into the car port from an evening out, I saw a teenage boy moving quickly out from between my car port and my neighbors. I automatically disapproved of him, naturally, because he is a teenager and he was wearing what I think was a Blue Jays hat. By the time I had the car parked safely, he was off into the darkness.
As I got out of the car, I tried to determine how alarmed and outraged I should be. The fully paranoid option would be to assume he was about to sneak into my house and threaten my sleeping family. Objectively, that’s very unlikely. He may have been a friend and suitor to the teenage Columbian temptress who lives on the other side of us, and he was hurrying away after visiting her. A middle of the road interpretation could be that he was doing a little car hopping in hopes of finding a little car treasure (though 10:15 on a Friday is poor timing for petty larceny). We have found our messy pile of crap in the car moved about once before, so it’s plausible.
In the big picture, I wonder what the average reasonable interpretation of the situation is. Do most people assume the kid is a no-good punk, or do they just see a skinny guy who’s under-dressed and trying to get home before he gets in trouble? the more I think about it, the more I settle on the amorous suitor version. At the very least it leaves me some peace of mind.
In moustache news, we are quickly approaching the end of November, and I will not be renewing my moustache’s lip lease. The itchiness has begun in earnest, and it’s curling into my mouth. I hope you have all spent time thinking about the prostates around you because of my moustache, and maybe even donated a buck or two to the cause.
Chris Loblaw, Author 