London: At least one man was viciously assaulted while on an innocuous trip to a local historical attraction. Residents are advised to be aware of the unpredictable nature of all wild and slightly domesticated animals. An interview with the wounded man follows.
Fake News: Sir, please describe the event.
Slow-witted father: Well, I saw the geese during our visit to the pioneer village, and they were honking in excitement when we approached them. The boy held back of course, showing wisdom beyond his years, but I went closer.
FN: Did it occur to you that they were hungry geese?
SWF: Yes, but I ignored that idea. They popped their heads through the fence, and I put out my hand in an attempt to pet one. That’s when it bit me.
FN: Geese don’t have teeth.
SWF: Fine. It pinched me with it’s mouth. Happy?
FN: Why did you think it was a good idea to try and pet a goose?
SWF:….shut up, that’s why.
The interviewee stormed off after this. Worst interview ever.
Just in case you notice me exhibiting strange, gooselike tendencies, you now know why: I may have been attacked by a weregoose. Sometimes we teach our children by demonstrating first-hand stupidity and it’s consequences. He was even helpful enough to point out my goose wound to his mother.
Chris Loblaw, Author 
Daniel was bitten by a squirrel in Victoria Park when he was about 4 years old. Apparently his thumb looked a lot like a peanut.
Thank goodness there were no geese around that day, or who knows what would have happened.
Maybe instead of dicking around with the census, G20 extravagance, and gift aircraft contracts, Harper could do something about the winged menace that endangers untold numbers of Canadians every day….