Okay, I’ve got my blogging hoodie on-time to blog! Oh alright, it’s not actually a dedicated blogwriting hooded sweatshirt, but it’s cold down here in the basement.
The continuing saga of my burgeoning self-confidence keeps developing in strange and sometimes bizarre directions. Earlier today, for example, I did some sample questions from the LSAT (Law School Admission Test). For fun. Evidently, planning for a future of novel-writing, charity work, and political involvement isn’t daunting enough for the man with brand new confidence. To be honest, I have never considered studying law before, and I’m not sure why. I do love rules, and arguing about them. I don’t know if I am in any way serious about going to Law school, but it sure is fun to think ‘yeah I could do that. I could be a lawyer’. As this post’s title suggests, I am open to the possibility that this is a slightly early mid-life crisis (would 36 be too early for a mid-life crisis?). Then again, I don’t feel any kind of fear about my life passing me by, and I have no desire for a sports car or mistress.
For the longest time, I had no sense of the future in front of me. Everything was about the present and I lived in an almost entirely reactive mode of behaviour. It blew my mind when one day I realized that Max would be at school within 2 years and I would have the whole weekday to dedicate to my own pursuits. Suddenly I had a sense of the future and I could actually make plans that went past what I was going to make for dinner. And then, during the election, a local candidate mentioned that he was taking his son to vote for the first time, and suddenly the notion that in 15 years I could possibly run in an election of some sort and Max could vote for me popped into my head. I assume the next career aspiration will be either astronaut or ninja.
I remember a time when I was standing in his room, trying to rock him to sleep, and I thought I would never manage it. Now he’s three and sleeping all by himself through the night. During the early months of Max’s life, I couldn’t imagine doing anything more than just holding on and trying to keep it together. Now, as he gets older and more self-reliant, and we all get better and more efficient at the business of family life, I’m finding myself with a surplus of mental energy. We’re not exhausted by the end of the day any more. It’s a good but strange feeling to look around at 8:30PM and realize you’ve already finished everything you had planned to do that day. All of a sudden, you have idle hands and ill-advised fantasies of being a doctor lawyer ninja astronaut.