(Either the title is poetically cryptic, or it’s sleep-deprived nonsense. Up to you!)

Human beings are contextual creatures. Our identities are built around the experiences we’ve had and our perceptions of the world around us. More importantly, our identity is informed by the people who we share these experiences with. A lot of us try to create a definition of ourselves that is entirely derived from within, but it’s an incomplete definition. You are not simply defined by your work, or your role as a parent, or by the wealth you’ve accumulated.

I think this lack of completion is what leaves people lost and depressed as they look for some kind of direction. Sadly, the first fix they attempt is to fill that identity gap with material possessions. We’re all a little too comfortable with the role of ‘consumer’.

So what’s the missing piece? Citizenship. By joining different groups of people and working with them, you create the other pieces of yourself that fill in the gaps between work, family, and individualism. By being a part of something bigger than yourself, you get a better idea of who you are.

I’ve heard the blame being laid on the isolating nature of modern technology, that iPods and personal computers cut us off from the world around us and disintegrated society, but I have a different theory. Go a little further back in North American history to the suburban post-war boom of the Fifties. The suburbs pulled us away from community centres, religious institutions, civic organizations. As the years went on, we pulled further and further away from the groups and the crowds and even our neighbours. The electronic devices weren’t the cause of this retreat, they were a reaction. The kids turned inward and blocked out the unsatisfying noise around them.

But there was a search for community that kept taking place in the electronic realm. Facebook could in no way be as popular as it is if there wasn’t a desire for connectivity with other people. For some of us who had never learned the real world skills to seek out and forge new bonds with the community around us, technology gave us alternate means to learn how to find our community. Strange that it was around us the whole time, but there’s no point in dwelling about any lost time.

I’ve turned a corner in my own socialization: I’ve moved past tolerating social interaction to actually enjoying it. I meet new people and I try to find out what they’re about and what we can share together. And I get really excited when I imagine the interesting and wonderful things we could accomplish together.

Not that I’m actively engaged in villainy at the moment, but if I were, I’d be a nervous wreck. I’m trying to give frank and useful criticism/writing advice to a friend of mine, and now that I’ve sent that advice to him, I’m anxious and nervous. As per usual, I am exaggerating the fragility of other human beings as I imagine him reading my email and crumpling to the ground, weeping and burning his manuscript to embers.

And why do I assume that every person is on the verge of utter ego collapse, so delicate that any unsavory news should be avoided or, at the very least, delivered with the softest of kid gloves? A very good question. I always ask myself very good questions.  Well, I’m going to chalk this eccentricity to a fondness for dramatic resolution, coupled with a devious pessimism still lingering from my childhood. My creative little brain likes to come up with the biggest and flashiest possible scenario, and tragedy gives you the biggest bang for your buck.

Most people are resilient beasts, able to take a crushing amount of disappointment and sadness and still pick themselves up and continue on. Then again, some people fall apart when their coffee isn’t hot enough. Humanity is funny sometimes. Anyway, I hope he takes my advice with good humour and still likes me afterwards. It’s always about being liked.

Speaking of being liked, I love humanity. Yes, that does sound strange, but that is the literal meaning of ‘philanthropy’. It’s an interesting concept because it goes beyond an act of charity and more towards a way of living life. I’m just going to quote the Wikipedia article here, partly because I’m lazy, but mostly because it is how I feel:

“Put simply, philanthropy is the pursuit of excellence in every facet of human life, for every human life, by imagining and implementing new systems, to bring that philosophy to fruition.”

When we worry only about ourselves, when we close our doors to our neighbours and shut our borders to the vulnerable, we lose sight of our potential. Your profits are meaningless if your community withers around you. Anyone who tells you that you should be afraid of the “chaos lapping at our shores” is trying to manipulate you and trick you into giving up on the inherent goodness of humanity. Don’t.

This weekend, go do some good. Start small, so small that you don’t feel any inconvenience at all. I call it ‘lazy philanthropy’.

My wonderful friend and hostess with the mostest Jenn hosted a book launch barbecue for me on Sunday. It was a small and casual affair, which is exactly as I had wanted it. There is a limit to the number of people who can crowd around a table to celebrate anything, and I think I’ve made peace with some people getting upset at a lack of invitation. I would have loved to invite each and every person who has had a positive impact on me and helped me in my creative journey, but you’re always going to miss someone. For the record, there are dozens of other people who have been fantastic and supportive. Not just buying a copy of the book, but giving me the experience and wisdom that allows me to write in the first place. So, if you are in that camp and you were left off the invite list, I apologize. Don’t think that you aren’t a special little camper. I just can’t manage a giant crowd of people focused on me….yet (Mwa-ha-ha-ha).

I also decided to skip an official speech or sales pitch to the attendees. On a practical level, most of them had already bought copies, so selling to them would have been milking a dry cow. And I spend most gatherings nattering on at length anyway, so it was more humane to the guests to limit my speechifying.

Max had a blast playing with chum during the party, and after the chum went home Max moved on to a tickle war with the friendly librarian Lindsay. In the course of their tickle fight, I’m pretty sure that Max inadvertently got to second base a couple of times. He is quite advanced.

It is an interesting and somewhat odd experience to  have your friends admire you. One of them actually said he was proud of me. I should really stop being surprised when someone I’m not married to is proud of me: If I’m doing things correctly, it’s bound to keep happening.

It was a fantastic night filled with friends and family, despite the summer cold kicking my ass and my wife’s ass at the same time. The best payout for the evening was the giant basket full of non-perishable goods we collected for the Food Bank. With almost no effort, we did a good thing. Yay lazy philanthropy!

A sidenote about my predictable body. Whenever I go through a period of heightened stress, there will be a brief few days afterward where I will be very tired, and after these days pass, illness will thunder down upon me. Everytime. Mark it on the calendar and cancel any appointments. I suspect that my body keeps a pet virus stored away in my left eustachian tube, ready for rapid release into my throat at the drop of a hat. The spot where my eustachian tube and my throat meet is ground zero for every cold that I’ve had in recent memory. And, although I acknowledge that a cold takes 7-10 days to run its course, I am tired of waiting for it to be done (it’s day 6 today). Boo to sickness.