Birthdays have not traditionally been an enjoyable event for me. There has been a consistent sense of anxiety as the day approaches, a feeling that only intensified once the actual day started. It would all begin to escalate with a simple question “what do you want for your birthday?” This question honestly flummoxed me each and every time. In my heart of hearts, I didn’t know what actions or gifts would give me a happy birthday. I wanted to be happy, I really did, but I could not identify how to make that happen. Cue the stress, the irritation, and the depression.

There was a change this year. I found out how to be happy on my birthday (and possibly happy all the time). I can’t put my finger on the exact catalyst for this change, but there were a few things that stuck in my mind. The public (social media) birthday wishes from a few of my dear family members made mention of how creative I was and how they were excited for what I would create in upcoming year: my wife’s message was the perfect example of this. And my sister-in-law in Thunder Bay let me know that her 9-year-old had confiscated my novels from his mom so that he could read them himself, and he was chewing through the books with a voracious literary appetite.

It’s very important to note that my friends and family have always been supportive, more so than I’ve ever really acknowledged. And that’s the big change, the present I gave myself: I acknowledged that I have these wonderful people cheering me on. For the first time in my life (or as far as I can remember) I accepted the fact that I am loved and supported. By simply believing that, my birthday became one of real celebration. I didn’t need to spend the day hoping for proof or validation. My emotional foundation was set. My family loves me, my friends care for me, and I’m happy with who I am. The stress that usually haunts every minute of August 20 vanished. It was replaced by a calm optimism and joy. It’s pretty amazing.

Self-promotion is hard. For me it is, anyway. I envy anyone who can proudly march around and proclaim “Here is a thing I made! Look at it, experience it, and pay me money for it!”. In my ideal world, I toil away in cloistered quiet, writing one project after another. It sounds wonderful and it’s entirely unrealistic for two reasons.

1)Life costs money. A pile of unsold manuscripts doesn’t bring home the bacon (or the electricity or the roof over your head).

2)I need an audience. I love the stories that I write, but they don’t fully come to life until they are shared. And I need their feedback too,

The good news for me is that I do have an audience. You, the devoted readers of this too infrequently updated blog, are the people who have chosen to tune in and listen to me. Over the last few years, I’ve been able to share my observations, experiences, and general ramblings with all of you. And surprisingly, you keep coming back. So thank you!

So here’s what I would like from you, dear readers. As you know, I self-published my latest novel “The Patchwork Boy” in June. I am incredibly proud of it, and I want your help to promote it. Positive reviews are an independent author’s best friend. Each review on sites like Goodreads.com, Amazon, Smashwords.com or iTunes brings more attention and more potential readers to the book. I know that some of you are worried about writing a review, and trust me, I understand. But a review does not have to be as complex and verbose as a PhD thesis. A simple, to the point blurb does more to sell a book than you will ever know.

That’s your mission, should you choose to accept it: go write a quick review at one (or more), and let me know when it’s done. I cannot stress enough how much I value your support and encouragement, and I’m grateful for all the help you’ve given me before and in the future. Thanks again!

Quietly storming out is so a strategy

I returned from a two-week vacation in the north of Ontario feeling tired but focused and triumphant. As the driver for this 18+ hour trip (each way) I had a clear purpose: keep the car moving. We had direction, we had a destination, we had a well-defined goal. And we reached our family goal, with almost no terror (a slight gas panic the only exception) and in remarkably good spirits. I felt pretty good.

And then I checked my email.

Suddenly, the long list of obligations and irritations came rushing at me, eroding away my peace of mind. Complaints and problems from some of the condo owners (I sit on the condo board). A variety of complications and issues with setting up the campaign office and team for this fall’s Federal election (I’m the association president). A profound lack of book sales during my absence (not surprising, given the nonexistent promotion I did for the book during that time). Negative online comments for a freelance article I did during vacation.I wasn’t writing anything. And on, and on. It felt like every area of my life that I devoted time to was producing nothing but problems. I was failing at a whole variety of tasks and duties.

I lost most of Sunday to this overwhelming feeling of failure. I couldn’t even pick out one part to fix, since working on one would mean ignoring all the others. I desperately wanted to get lost in a new video game, dive in and get immersed in an electronic world where I knew what to do and how to do it. Mental gridlock. Not a fun day.

Monday morning, I decided to do a little bit of quitting. And by that I mean, I quit everything frustrating for one day. Once the boy was off to summer day camp, and the dear wife was off to work, I tuned everything out and wrote. The dishes? Still dirty. The rogue neighbourhood cat? Still menacing gardens and befouling patios. The mysterious water leak that probably comes from our shower? Still unsolved. What I do have is progress on two separate story ideas, and a renewed sense of priorities. I can’t control all of the irritants and complications in life. It is unfair to judge myself by my success (or lack thereof) in resolving those complications.

I’m one guy, and I can only do so much. If I’m overwhelmed, it’s because I’m trying to fix everything at once. The lesson I’m learning today is:Put the to-do list to the side, take a deep breath, and give your passion top spot in your brain.