I marvel at the ingenuity of my internal saboteur. This week was supposed to be focused (and I use the word ‘focus’ very loosely) on the next steps to take in book promotion, with a side order of planning the next project. Oh, there was also a blog post about author branding thrown in there too.

So I hopped over to the admin page for this very blog. With a concealed snicker, my inner saboteur makes a suggestion. “Hey, why don’t we take a look at your yearly stats? I bet you’ve reached a huge audience.” And like a sucker, I take a look. I read the miniscule number of unique visitors who have shown up here over the last year and my ego deflated like a cheap balloon.

Did I have dreams (or less charitably, delusions) that there was a legion of fans following along with every post, eager for news of the next book? Of course I did. That’s how human beings get through their days. Imagination! But along comes “facts” and “reality” to rain on my parade.

I’m not going to lie to you all and say that I quickly picked myself up and kept trucking along. I was under the metaphorical blankets for a couple of days. Success seemed totally impossible. Yeah, I can keep churning out stories until the end of time, but you can’t pay your mortgage with stories.

So how did I pick myself up and go back at it? Not easily, I can tell you that much. (lack of income woes go to the next level when Christmas is looming around the corner). But here’s the recipe so far:

1: acknowledge successes, despite their size. Hoping for the easy big win made me blind to the little wins that keep happening. A win is a win.

2: Get stubborn and feisty. Yeah it’s not going gangbusters right now, but I’m going to keep at it. Wanna fight about? That’s what I thought, internal critic. Shut up and let me work.

3:Embrace the weirdness. This is the life I’m supposed to be living. Even with all the bumps, disappointments and panicked moments of being directionless, writing is what I do. And I want people to read the stuff I write, so I am going to keep putting it out there.

 

I’ve worn glasses since the age of 9. If I want to see and function normally, I have to wear them. And I have never, in that entire time, liked the way I looked in glasses. They have been a necessary burden. I hated going to get glasses. It was stressful, confusing, and always disappointing.

Why stressful? Because I overthink everything, so trying to accurately answer the optometrist’s questions (Which is better-1 or 2? More blurry? Sharper? I DON’T KNOW) creates a bundle of anxiety. I put off getting new glasses until I could barely see through the old ones.

But after 7 years with the same beat-up pair, I finally relented and went to the optometrist a couple of weeks ago. I went because my friend Jeff worked at the place, and he assured me that they would make it a less stressful experience.

And he was right: the exam went much more smoothly than it ever has for me. Of course, this led to the second challenge for my overthinking brain: choosing frames. I was prepared to get wound up and anxious as I flailed around trying in vain to find a good pair of frames.

I walked resignedly into the showroom, and felt an immediate swell of relief. My pal Jeff was there. I started trying on frames and asking his opinion, which he gave freely. I knew I could trust his opinion because a) he knew his stuff and b)he was an honest and kind friend. (Not that I thought about it that way at the time).

As I hummed and hawed, Jeff came back over with a set of frames. “Here try these” he said. I slipped them on and felt something I had never felt at the eyeglass shop: happiness. For the very first time in my life, I had a pair of glasses on my face that made me feel good about my appearance. And I had them because of my friend.

Jeff was always looking out for his friends, the first to help, the first to care about your challenges, the first to cheer your triumphs.

I hate having to write about Jeff in the past tense. He died suddenly last Friday, and my life is poorer for the absence of his unmistakable kindness. 

Updates first!

Update #1: new book is now for sale! Check the Books page for all the sale sites. (or just go buy the ebook at Smashwords)

Update#2: I’ll be at Forest City Comicon this weekend, chatting with fans new and old. Drop by if you’re going.

Update #3: the exclusive short story Kickstarter reward is one final edit away from completion. That means the Kickstarter rewards will start flying through the air to the backers in the next few days.

Update #4: I’m being beseiged by a head cold at the moment, so please grade this blog post on a sympathetic curve.

 

And now to today’s topic: topics! (AKA a blog post about blog posts- how Meta)

My plan, recently, has been to reserve this blog for writing-related posts. When I’ve felt the need to expound upon any other topic, I’ve shoved that idea to the back burner (or onto the trash pile). My logic was that I did not want to confuse, bore or agitate the readers by opining on current events.

But I’ve rethought that plan. The purpose of this blog is to promote my writing, sure. I love talking about whatever I’m working on, and the strange twists and turns that happen along the way. The other stuff matters too, though. I don’t spend every waking minute pondering the mysteries of storytelling. The other things that catch my attention are an important part of who I am, and that informs my writing.

And really, the main function of this blog is communication. It’s a wierd way to communicate (mostly one-way) but it still counts. The writers who I admire, like John Scalzi or Chuck Wendig , don’t restrain their opinionated selves. For good or ill, they let loose.

So here’s the new deal: I’m going to se this space for anything I think is interesting enough to write a note about. Sometimes, it will be boring if you don’t live in the same city/province/country as I do. Sorry about that. And occasionally, I’m going to cheese some folks off. Such is life.